Now, add personal traumas. If you went through any type of stress or hardship, it didn’t make 2016 any better. Also, waking up to find out some asshole shot up Pulse Night Club on your birthday isn’t ideal either (True Story).
2016, you were one of the hardest years of my life. You put my family through hell, and if anything bad could happen it did. I stopped questioning things early on. Had I questioned the worst, I’m sure terminal illness would’ve made an appearance in 2016 too. But, aside from life threatening diseases, everything bad that could happen in a year did.
2016, though you were an awful year, I learned a lot about myself. I just wish the universe would stop dealing terrible fates towards me. In 2016, I discovered I could survive almost anything. Even when I felt like a failure, when I struggled to keep a job I survived.
When I spent a night locked in a holding cell I survived. I realized who my real friends were. I also became aware that there were still people in my life I couldn’t trust.
I’ve realized, I’m still an angry person. But, since I started working out, I can control my anger better. At the same time I’m realizing I need to speak up more. I’ve let people hurt me too many times, and I’m done. I’m through letting people walk all over me. I’m done allowing people to have any bit of control over me. Lastly, I’m done fighting with myself.
I’ve realized I’m the most unkind to myself, and those I care about. I need to change this. I know it won’t be easy but, it has to be done.
I spent most of 2016 in a dark place, faced my share of heartbreak and sadness. My previous relationship still lacks closure because the other party blocked me out of their life. I need to close that chapter of my life and many others. I can’t go on facebook anymore. It’s too traumatizing.
While living with my parents, I realized I’m at war with myself. I’ve seen how unmotivated my sister and brother are. In return, I observed my parents actions which encouraged that behavior. Sometimes I question, how coming from that environment I have any self-discipline. I question why I prefer clean, organized spaces over cluttered ones. Then I realize, because of my anxiety I can’t stand clutter. I hate losing control. If I’m not in control of a situation I fall apart. And, any disarray or clutter escalates that feeling.
I’ve realized I’m not an easy person to live with. I thrive when I live alone. But, right now there is little I can do to make that happen. Almost daily, I question whether or not I made the biggest mistake of my life. I feel like I’m surrounded by superficial hypocrites on a daily basis. Some days I question everything my parents ever taught me.
I apologize if I’m not making any sense. Once again, there’s a lot on my mind. I don’t believe in the “New Year, New Me” mantra, and I doubt I ever will. But, despite everything that happened in 2016, I’ve grown a lot. Despite the chaos, and disarray of 2016, I now know the direction I want to take in live, and I’ll be damned if anyone tries to tell me otherwise.
As I mentioned before, I don’t believe in New Years resolutions either. But, I want to continue onto the path of health and wellness I started last year. I’m going to continue working out, and getting stronger despite what my haters say. Haters never will be my motivators. I also plan to start my journey becoming a licensed massage therapist.
I spent years trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. Massage therapy was always in the back of me mind. I just never knew how I’d afford the schooling. But, I did my research and found an accredited program I can afford. I’m going to be starting in May, and plan to graduate in less than a year.
I realize my recent posts have been less than typical but, again I’m starting to find my voice and I want to be real with my followers. What you’re seeing is the real me, and the thoughts I battle with on a daily basis as I try to overcome them. They’re not perfect or ideal but, who cares about perfection anyways?
Lastly, how was your 2016? Was it terrible, wonderful, or both? What did you learn about yourself? Lastly, do you believe in resolutions? Regardless, what are your feelings about 2017? Do you have any special plans for the coming year?